In many of the resources out there for stepmothers, there is an abundance of “woe is me” tales that can inspire dread in the hearts of even the most stalwart of women. The horror stories of stepmothers tortured by teens gone wild, vindictive exes, intrusive former in-laws, and wimpy spouses are all true.

It’s important to be realistic about what you can expect from stepfamily life. At the same time, if you start your stepfamily with the assumption that your life is going to suck for the next couple of decades, you can be certain it will. So the challenge is this. Explore yourself.

Take the time to figure out what you feel. And don’t be surprised if some of this exploration takes you to some icky places. Stephanie is a stepmother of one boy who was 12 when she married his father, Luke. Stephanie was in her forties, had never been married, and was highly accomplished in her career as a college English professor. “I had all the strategies; big deal,” she says of her struggles with her rebellious stepson who acted out by getting involved early with sex, alcohol, and drugs. He began staying out all night at 13 years old and would often steal jewelry from Stephanie and money from his father. “We’re all smart, aren’t we? But they trigger all your own emotional stuff.”

Those emotional triggers are wrapped around deeply held dreams, fantasies, and expectations, all of which have implications for your ability to find your place within your stepfamily. Stephanie advises stepmothers to delve deep into the work of personal growth.

“I want to encourage people to do their work—and I don’t just mean housework. Do the hard spiritual and emotional work it takes. Ask: What is the meaning of this? Figure out why you’re here and what you’re going to contribute.”

Related posts:

1. What Stepmother actually is? Part (4)
2. What Stepmother actually is? Part (3)
3. What Stepmother actually is?
4. What Stepmother actually is? Part (2)
5. Have You Teach Your Kid To Save Money?